The Pie Hole Death Note Confessions
by TowerMage
Summary: Ned the Pie Maker meets an individual who can kill with a notebook. What happens when Ned finds out about that talent? XOVER: Death Note & Pushing Daisies


**The Death Note Pie Hole Confessions**

**I do not own Death Note or Pushing Daisies.**

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The morning of October thirteenth found Ned the Pie Maker opening up the freshly painted doors of his establishment, the Pie Hole. It was a day like any other for Ned, and he cautiously let Digby in the restaurant, careful not to touch him, lest the touch render him lifeless.

Ned, as per usual, was the very first person in the Pie Hole and this suited him fine today.

Chuck was still being half heartedly ambivalent towards the pie maker, and Olive was being obsequious where he was concerned, and Ned felt like she was taking advantage of his somewhat dampened attitude. The facts were these. Ever since Ned had revealed that he had, however inadvertently, killed the father of the girl he called Chuck, he had been without her good opinion. 'I need to hate you.' The words Chuck had last spoken to him still hung in his ears like an unwelcome visitor creeping just outside the door.

Ned went about his morning business of preparing the Pie Hole for business, and was just stepping out of his secret, or not so secret as of late, room when he heard the phone ringing from the pass through. He dusted the stem of a resurrected strawberry off of his hand, and picked up the phone.

"Pie Hole?" he frowned, and Digby whimpered at him. "Oh, sure." he leaned against the pass through archway as he readjusted his hold of the phone. "I'll be fine, get feeling better. You too. Bye." Ned hung up the phone, and heaved a sigh of relief. It seemed as though fate was playing to his advantage today, as Olive had been taken ill over night. He was relieved at the news and felt the time away could do her some good.

The steady and standard flow of customers began around eleven thirty that morning, and Ned found that the day was passing by with all the speed of a Burmese tortoise. He was able to find a patch of calm after lunch, and he spent the time cleaning off the tables of less than tidy customers.

The doors to his establishment opened up unexpectedly, and Ned found himself staring at a man with brown hair and a finely maintained business suit. Though he bore no attaché case, nor even a customary business overcoat, Ned felt sure that this customer was _well off._

Ned welcomed the handsome gentleman into his pie shop and offered him a cup of espresso whilst he browsed through the menu. Ned was quick to notice that he carried a slightly shabby looking college composition notebook on his person, not different from ones he himself used for recipes, and his right hand never left it's cover, which was covered with a writing unfamiliar to the pie maker.

"What would you like a sample of, to get you started Sir?" Ned asked as he placed the steaming cup of brown espresso in front of the man.

"Light."

Ned looked at him curiously. "Light?"

"Yes, you may call me Light Yagami, and I would like the triple berry, if you don't mind."

"Just a minute." Ned returned to the back of the shop, lightly walking under the pass through and seeking out the triple berry he had only recently prepared.

Out of the endless recesses of calamity, or more commonly known as the inner city, an usurping man entered the Pie Hole, and Ned spun around to find the source of the commotion. He was waving a gun around, wildly shouting about how Emerson Cox, (not Cod, as Ned mentally noted) had ruined his chances of winning a knitting competition, and he was now here to exact vengeance.

"I'm freakin' Jack Russell, here to exact my vengeance! I want everyone here on the floor!" the gunman shouted in an uncouth tone of voice. Ned was ushered from the kitchen by the gunman, and he looked at Digby, who held a paw over his eyes as if to shield himself from the scene. Ned cautiously exited the kitchen with his hands held high in the air.

Jack was a stubbly haired man of about thirty, who had evidently gone one too many days without paying his teeth any attention. His dark overcoat and hole-covered denim jeans clashed violently with Ned's most recent guest, Light.

"All right, Georgie Porgie…" Jack lowered the gun to Ned's chest and pulled the barrel back, his face glistening with sweat as he stared down the pie maker. Neither Ned nor Jack heard the scratching of pen upon paper.

Ned felt an overwhelming, yet predictable, sense of dread washing over him. Was this how it was really going to end? Killed off because of Emerson's knitting rivalries? Where was Emerson now, and just how had he ruined this man's chances of winning? Ned glanced over at Light, who was calmly sipping on his espresso, and when the gunman noticed it, he broke the cup with a flick of his free hand.

"Don't mess me around fancy clothes! I'm in no mood for it!"

Light simply smiled. "Thirty seven…thirty eight…"

"What are you counting for wise ass?"

"Forty." Light grinned, a devilish shadow crossed his face, by chance, as the sunlight passed through the windows opposite him. Jack had a defined look of shock on his face as Light reached the number forty, and the gun that had so recently been aimed at Ned's heart, now fell to the ground with a clamor. Jack grabbed at his chest as though a monster was threatening to burst forth from it, his face as white as paste, and it was there in the Pie Hole that Jack Russell suffered a death by heart attack.

Light had a calm smile on his face, and he hadn't so much as batted an eye brow in the last few seconds, so far as the pie maker could tell. With Ned's attention focused temporarily on Light, he failed to notice the gunman was falling into him, and Ned felt the sparkle of magical electricity pop out of him as they made contact.

Jack screamed out and caught his footing as the pie maker fell backwards from the weight of the man. One of the last things Ned saw before he went down was the look of terror on Light's face. As Ned came to be better acquainted with the well polished tile of his shop, Jack Russell was seen fleeing the shop, shouting to never again knit a pair of knickerbockers.

Ned was quickly pulled to his feet by means of his collar, as Light fixed him with the stare and intensity of a lunatic. "He died! I saw it!"

"No he didn't," Ned was frantic, Emerson knowing was one thing, Chuck was another, but this man…no, Ned definitely didn't want anyone else knowing about his _gift._ "he must have passed out."

"Ryuk!" Light searched over his shoulder, calling out for someone who, as far as Ned could see, was non-existent. "Alright wise guy. That man, he suffered a heart attack, you and I both saw the signs. Arrr dammit, Ryuk! The rules said he would die, everyone whose name is written down dies! Is there still something else you're not telling me!?" Light's face seemed to have changed insanely in the last few minutes, and Ned feared that he was not going to have a good day at work.

"I swear, I didn't do anything…" Ned thought of Chuck, and how he desperately wanted to confess his love for her. He thought of Olive, and felt as though she deserved a totally platonic hug. Emerson even, no matter how responsible he may have been for this fiasco, deserved at least one more slice of specially prepared rhubarb.

"Yes you did…" Light lowered his lips to Ned's ears. "because I killed him! Just like I did everyone else in that book!"

Ned's eyes grew wide as his mind struggled to understand what he had been told. "What?" Ned silently hoped that if this man were responsible for the death of people, that the one minute rule would cancel him out, he knew the time must be close…who would die because of Ned's failure to touch Jack?  
"That is a notebook of death, the human whose name is written in it dies! That's the rule, that god of death shinigami told me so! You brought him back to life, HOW?!"

Light Yagami, as truth would have it, did possess a notebook of death, and had set out to rid the world of vicious criminals. He was a bright young man with noble goals, and saw himself as a god of justice. But, no matter how noble his goals were, he was still a murderer. This fact, however, was lost to him.

"It's just…" Ned was frightened as he could ever remember being, if he sounded the least bit unsure of himself, this man could kill him. He had no reason to doubt the story, no matter how strange it seemed, after all, Ned touched dead people. "if I touch a dead person, I can bring them back to life. If I don't touch them again after one minute, someone has to die in their place. If I touch that same person again, even after that minute, they are dead forever."

Light's lips curled in a sadistic fashion, and he bit down on his lower lip as a fractured cackle escaped his lips. "And you've had this power…how long?"

"All my life, I found out when I brought my dog Digby back…" Ned answered complacently. "Can you let me down now?"

Light seemed to have forgotten that he was gripping the pie maker by his collar, and sheepishly set him down on a stool. As Ned was seated he distinctly saw a flock of pigeons crash land into the pavement outside.

"I don't think I've ever met anyone with as strange a talent as yours. It is a pleasure." Light said.

"Likewise." Ned felt uneasy. Was having the ability to kill someone by writing their name down _normal?_

"Nobody knows about my talent…but tell me, have you ever touched your dog again?"

"Phsyically? In the non-non-appropriate way?"

"Have you made contact with him, by means of your flesh touching his?"

Ned swallowed deeply, this _Light_ fellow seemed astute. "No."

He chuckled. "And how old is _Digby?_"

"Older than most dogs." Ned avoided the question with all the grace of a car spinning out of control in a dragster race.

"He is not capable of dying…of age, is he?"

"I wouldn't say he's not capable of dying from old age, he's yet to prove that hypothesis."

"Let me see this Digby. Now!" Light ordered, as he flipped the lock on the main doors.

Ned watched as Light rushed into the kitchen, towing Ned along as he went. Digby saw Light and immediately started barking. Light released his hold of Ned and scratched something into his precious notebook. "Within forty seconds…Digby will die. At least, that is what is supposed to happen, unless even my powers are no match for him." Light tried to contain his laugher as Ned watched on in horror.

Was this a joke?

"Thirty eight…thirty nine…forty!" Light concluded his counting, and Ned peeked out from behind his hands, and realized that Digby was alive and well, although still barking at Light.

"Immunity to death…." Light sounded hollow, as if all humanity had fled from his conscious.

"How about that…" Ned's voice cracked and he went to Digby's side.

"The possibilities…my God…Pie Maker, I want you to do me a favor, as a _friend._ Oh, and I won't kill you if you do it."

Ned really wished that he had not come into work today. "With an offer like that, how can I refuse?" he got to his feet and approached Light.

"My name is Light Yagami," he thrust the notebook and pen into Ned's hands. "write my name in this book. Then, in forty one seconds, touch me."

Ned looked at him, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. "If everything you said is true…then you want me to…_murder_ you?"

Light bobbed his head up and down and grinned sardonically. "I want to never die..what we did to Digby proves that it is possible to avoid death, even by the notebook! Do it PIE MAKER!" Light lunged at Ned who stumbled backwards and screamed as he landed against the cheese box. "WRITE IT!"

Ned felt himself start writing before he had actually made the conscious effort to put the pen to paper. It was with revulsion and a threatened regurgitation that Ned dropped the pen as he formed the last swipe of the letter 'i'.

Light danced around the room as if being chased by Jack, and as the clock struck one thirty seven, Light fell comically to the ground. His smile was still fixed on his face and he laid awkwardly on his arm.

Ned dropped the notebook and made a mad dash to the telephone, "Come on Emerson, pick up the phone, pick up the phone and I'll never question you again…"

"This is Emerson?"

"Emerson! Ned. Pie Hole. Now. Killer."

"Money?"

Ned looked at the phone receiver and shook his head in exasperation. "Just…get here."

# # #

The special provision for Kira, or the SPK arrived shortly after Emerson Cod had made a few phone calls. The investigation team was led by a young man, no more than eleven, by the name of Near. It was to be discovered that Light Yagami was actually an elusive killer in Japan who had been playing at divine judgment for several years. He had killed hundreds of criminals and had manipulated countless others. It was understandable of course that they offered Ned a substantial reward for his righteous killing of the man known as Kira.

Emerson found himself to be extremely off put by the whole situation, even more so when Near reprimanded him for demanding a cut of Ned's reward.

"Near…pfft heh, what a stupid name. Booger biting, hair twirling flower child telling me I don't have a right to any of that reward. Well who told you that Light Yagami was a wanted suspect in Japan hmm? I did. I should have at least sixty percent of it…I am after all somewhat..."

"Emerson?" Ned interrupted.

Emerson looked appaled at being interrupted. "What?"

"I've still got that notebook you know. I gave a fake one to the SPK. I could write your name down and collect all that money you've been hording up all these years." Ned smiled at his friend, and watched as Emerson's face became apprehensious as he turned over the thought in his mind.

"Got any more rhubarb?"

"Coming right up."

**-FIN-**

**AN: Reviews appreciated, even if its something as simple as "hey, thanks for entertaining me for these two minutes out of my life." **

**Love, TowerMage**


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